I spent this past weekend in Northern California visiting my grandma who is here from Guam and my aunts and uncles whom I hadn’t seen in years. I walked in with the expectation of a grand surprise for my grandma only to see her sitting there not being able to see me….my heart broke. I went up to her and gently lifted her face towards mine and said Grandma – it’s me, your favorite. She looks up and there it is…. the familiar smile…. the excitement. Oh, how I’ve missed her.

The weekend was such a blur… and I wish I could just rewind just a bit and sit with her… embrace a moment. Hold her hand… tell her again…. I love her and I’ve missed her. I wish I could rewind a bit further….and take it all in…. the talks in her room… the talks in the wee hours of the morning while she was baking bread…. the silence while we sat next to each other in church…. the advice she would give me… the laugh…oh how I’d bottle up her laugh and her smile…. the smile that made everything better.

As we prepare for the barbeque… I take a moment and look around to see all the components that made us family. Moments that remind me of our family gatherings back home. The coconut being kumzu’d…. the fresh coconut juice being passed around… the potato salad being made by the young ones (which would be me and my sister)…and having our aunts driving from behind us… chop it smaller…bite size pieces… (Forgetting that we are adults now and have made potato salad a million times :)) the chicken kelaguen being mixed…the homemade tatiya’s…. the red rice.... the lumpia. Yes, good food was devoured tonight but more importantly we were together and I hope it won’t be another 20 years before I see them again.